a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
