he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
