Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
