Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found the puke drawer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Randomize
