I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
