They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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