I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
