Ketchup is God's man juice
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
