If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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