dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
