I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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