I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
