he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
