the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
