I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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