I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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