yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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