She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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