i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
