My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How's work?
Spinning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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