I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
