I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
