She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
