the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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