the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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