So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
