Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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