Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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