So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
