I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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