Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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