I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
