why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
