i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
