his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
