well I can't set my house on fire every night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
