1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
