He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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