You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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