You work out of a Hotel?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
