If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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