captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
