do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
