Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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