At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
