I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
