tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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