i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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