I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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