I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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