He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
