i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
