Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
