My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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