Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
