can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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